How do we treat someone we suspect did something bad? How have others treated you when they thought you did something bad? Could you tell they were suspecting you of something? What did it do to you? How long did it last? How did it come to an end? How long did it take to come to an end? Who did the research to clear your name? Was it you yourself who did the research showing you had not done it, did it work? Were you believed?
Or did the person(s) suspecting you do the research and clear your name? What were the results then? Or was it a third party who did it? How did that go?
What were the social dynamics in each scenario. For example if you made the effort to clear your name yourself how did that affect your relationships? Did you feel defensive? How was that received by those who suspected you? Did they believe and trust the results of your research proving your innocence?
We all experience being suspected of doing something we did not do at some point or points in life. But it usually (thankfully) gets cleared up somehow and the suspicion is lifted off of our lives. Someone admits doing it and apologises. Or circumstances point to the real culprit and it's all cleared up relatively quickly.
But what if no one admits it and no one says they are sorry? What if the solution has to wait for years to be resolved? Like for example, if it has to be dealt with by the justice system which can take years, what then? What affect would that have on a person?
Here is an example. Knowing the high percentage of divorces in our country these days, this is what Scott Dikkers says... “Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.”
So, since the divorce rate is high, he is suggesting that we should all actually distrust and believe something bad about our spouse, even if we have no hard evidence to do so. I would thank that being what suspicion is and dose that this attitude towards your innocent spouse would be devastating to the relationship. That in itself could destroy one's marriage.
This, for me is an illustration of how devastating suspicion can be.
Let's for a moment consider what actually happens when we suspect someone? This could be very subtle or it could be very obvious. Would it not include things like lack of trust? Not believing in them. Avoiding them socially. Pushing them away. Not including them in our invitations, our businesses dealings, or our lives. They end up isolated and alone. Marginalized.
Then there is something called a "scape-goat" which I believe means we have all agreed, on purpose, to blame someone who is actually innocent of the bad thing that happened. Someone has to pay, we say, so we sometimes just chose someone to take the rap. This might make us all feel better, but this persons life is changed forever.
I do art. My mind continues working on this. Above is the work of my left brain. Meanwhile, my right brain has begun to take it on and things are beginning to percolate. I am in my studio, "playing in the mud" as my friend Stan always says...but I am a bit worried about where this might all go. Join me in staying tuned!
“We can either emphasize those aspects of our traditions, religious or secular, that speak of hatred, exclusion, and suspicion or work with those that stress the interdependence and equality of all human beings. The choice is yours. (22)”
― Karen Armstrong, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life