Real life includes just such unfortunate things. I myself experienced suspicion from the justice system when there was no "real or confirmed" evidence available to support the crimes I was supposed to have done. Even "professionals" for whatever reasons can be swayed by motivations other than fact and context. In my case the informal suspicions created by such a low standard of un-confirmed reasons and facts, had both obvious and not so obvious affects on my life.
The only appeal I had was to tell the truth of where I had been and what I had been doing. There were also lots of opportunity to talk to people who had been with me to confirm my actual ware-a-bouts. I know that any kind of even not so rigorous investigation would have easily confirmed my innocence.
The thing is that false accusations can stick in many people minds just because they happen. Even if and when one is exonerated.
Such was the case in my situation. I was told by the police that if I took a lie detector test and passed that would take me off the suspect list. I was relieved to hear this and immediately agreed to do it. I was rather excited to see if the police's methods were like those I'd seen in the movies.
Well, to my surprise this little "test" took many hours and had to do with my whole life history. In a very little while I realized this was not a game and that my future life now lay in the hands of a machine. A machine I was not experienced with and had to now trust with my very future quality of life.
I did pass, apparently with flying colors, thankfully. What a relief! Unfortunately, the suspicions had been public and many people as we all know, do not trust that machine. So, even if the police felt I was innocent (at least that's what they tell you.) many in the public were still not convinced.
But no one is talking. When people don't relate to you anymore, they don't tell you it's because they think you did it! Why would a business contract be suddenly ended? Why would negotiations suddenly be abandoned? Sure we can all make up reasons and some or many of them my be true. But how many were because they still suspected me despite the results of the lie detector test, results that were to clear me for life? No one knows that for sure.
That's the killer. It affects your confidence, your mental state of mind, your resentment, anger and your sense of shame. It changes who you are, the very how and why you do the things you do. It almost makes you actually begin to look guilty! That hurts. You begin to see suspicion where their probably is none. Or not? Body language, words, simple acts of omission can become huge. Your thoughts begin to cycle downward. There is a bitter, revenge filled dark abyss there, no one wants to ever go.
through the keyhole,
suspecting and judging?
With the help of my family, my church and my God I was able to make a decision and begin my journey towards the forgiving attitude I had promised myself I'd pursue from the beginning.
That is why today I am very sensitive and compassionate towards anyone experiencing suspicion of any kind. Secondly, I needed clear confirmation from the 5 week trial as to the guilt of the accused in our case. Both of these things happened and were confirmed with the jury decision of guilt at the conclusion of the trial.
On this Thanksgiving weekend I must say I am truly thankful for the delivery from a life of negativity, blame, bitterness and unforgiveness that could have destroyed a life of joy and productivity.