WHO WAS DAVID, REALLY?
Before we go on, I feel we need to consider a "Secret that's not a Secret!" Let's go to David's history before he was a shepherd boy, even his birth story. Everyone has one of these and most of us are excited about our birth stories. Where were we born? What were the circumstances of our birth? Like did my mother make it to the hospital, how close was I to being born in the car?  Etc.

With David's birth story, we are actually considering some "skeletons in the closet" so to speak!

Now, David is such a hero and revered person it pains me to be the one to tell you this. But it clarifies a lot of things! And it also goes along with God's way of choosing the right people for his purposes. That is he doesn't chose the people we humans would chose, but he chooses people who love Him and live lives of  obedience to him, regardless of what kind of birth story they might have.

David himself lets us in on his own birth story. It's all recorded by him in his own journals called the Psalms. For him it was an embarrassing story that lead to rejection, sorrow, pain and loneliness. So for that reason it's kind of spread out in the Psalms and refereed to in different places, we have to just fill in the dots. 

Let's go back to the that important event when Samuel was coming to Bethlehem and Jesse's house to anoint God's chosen one to be the next king. 

In 1 Sam. 16:1-13 we have the whole story. In verse 4, Samuel arrives and speaks to the elders of Bethlehem. These are the men who sit at the gate of the city, doing justice, settling disputes, etc. But when they saw it was the revered prophet Samuel coming, they were frightened and trembled at his coming. "Do you come in peace?" they asked. They were worried someone had done something bad and that he had come to judge them for some sin they had done. 

Well, it was not about that, but the prophet did invited them all to join him at a sacrifice he was going to have with Jesse and his sons at Jessie's house. So just to be clear, the folk who were to attend this event were only the town elders and Jesse with his seven sons. There was no mention of David at all. Obviously, he was not invited. My question is why? Why was he not invited? 

When preachers preach, the answer is because he was the youngest. Well, that is true, he was the youngest but there was another over-riding reason. 

Let's explore this over-riding reason and look at our first journal entry, Psalm 51:5 here David is repenting of his sin of adultery with Bathsheba and writes this... 
"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me."  (NKJV)
What is he saying?  We have to take the verse simply as it reads, meaning his own mother conceived him in an act of sin just like what he'd had with Bathsheba. His mother had also committed adultery with none other than Jesse his father and David himself had been the result!

So now we have a new understanding of David's situation. These seven brothers were actually his "half brothers"! So when the prophet asked for Jesse's sons to be there, they would not have included David since apparently everyone knew he was not a true son of Jesse.

Now lets look at Psalm 69:8 where David writes this: "I have become a stranger to my brothers, And an alien to my mother’s children;"  (NKJV)
Meaning he was estranged from Jesse's seven sons and also from his mother's other children. So both sides had rejected him.

What do we make of this? We have to think that his mother was either a prostitute with other children or the wife of another man with other children. In either case both the additional children rejected David and in the second option, the husband also rejected David. 

In the end it was only Jesse left who was "forced" then to raise David his illegitimate son.

This then also explains why his "half brothers" treated him with such disrespect and anger in every aspect of family life. They hated him. That's why all this bullying going on, forcing him to be the guy doing the worst job in that society, being a shepherd. That's also why his half brothers were so rough and angry with him when David brought them food from home as they were serving in Saul's army just before David killed Goliath. 

Now it also becomes clear that this birth story had become public knowledge, with disastrous results. Again David records this in Psalm 69:10-12 .
10 When I wept and chastened my soul with fasting,
That became my reproach.
11 I also made sackcloth my garment;
I became a by-word to them.
12 Those who sit in the gate speak against me,
And I am the song of the drunkards." (NKJV)

Remember ... "Those who sit in the gate" These were the elders who came to the anointing and knew the whole story. They also did not suggest David should be there! Plus they talk about his birth story in public putting him down as a product of sin. Then he comments how even the drunkards make up drunken mocking songs about him! Whoever knew about story was making fun of him! 

Notice in verse 10 how he wept and fasted. Sick to his stomach with shame and rejection and loneliness.

No one cared that he was an innocent by-product of his mother's and Jessie's adultery. It was not his sin nor his fault! 

I'm sorry to have to be the one to share this aspect of David's life and history.  But, now we can all better understand the depth of his estrangement not only from his family but also from the local people, his own community. I cannot even imagine what that might have felt like for him. No wonder he was more comfortable staying with the sheep than with any human company both in his home and his town.

No one can live like that for long and survive.

Next time we will go on to happier matters, and look at how he dealt with his extreme loneliness. 

In the last blog we clarified the statistics and that there is actually an epidemic of loneliness out there. Now it's time to get personal!

First of all, just to be clear, I am a "man!" And as a man I've been told, I have problems, like expressing what's on my heart, I've have problems expressing my feelings, makes me feel kind of naked like the sculpture above. But ok now, ahem, pause, well here goes, I have problems admitting that I've been lonely basically all my life! 

There I said it!

OK that sounds terrible! Let me qualify that a bit, I've been lonely in the area of having "close" or "Intimate," which is a scary word but just means wholesome close, adult male friends, almost all my life! Ok that's better. 

I had male friends as a youngster and in high-school but after that it trailed off, we all went our separate ways and have only connected when we happened to meet here and there incidentally in the course of life. Other than that it gets complicated because as an adult I've had an eclectic range of jobs where acquaintances couldn't easily cross over to continue the relationship with me. For example me moving from a Milkman job in Calgary to Pasturing a church in N. Battleford, SK  would not  cause potential friends to move all that way to be with me to continue growing a friendship.

To complicate things there is also my artistic side, which is another uniquely different occupational sphere of work, that together with my faith interest brings in another list of complicated factors in not having intimate male friendships.

Today, as i'm writing this I am realizing that this is actually slowly changing. Because now that I'm established in one location, like Winnipeg, plus having attended one church for a length of time, and now having become a pastor in another new church, that is beginning to change! 

So just over 10 years after our daughter was murdered I began to became more and more angry! My "forgiveness" seemingly had leaked slowly away, it was 1995 and I had no friend(s) to work this through with! Also, I have to say I kind of felt good being angry. I deserved to be angrly. I'd experienced a great loss, I should be angry, real angry! But then it began to express itself in rage. When that happened I knew I had to fix it or I would lose what was most dear to me, my wife, family and my job. What should I do? How should I deal with this and get rid of these bursts of rage?

David was a teenager when he became a shepherd. Teenagers (according to statistics) is one of the age groups that experience loneliness the most. They are not children nor adults and so are caught off guard when it strikes! Where do they go with this is the question! Typically, they will go to their peers for acceptance and approval. And, when that fails it gets really bad. Davids story as a teenager is a wonderful testimony as to how he dealt in a very successful way with his loneliness. 

David was the youngest of eight  boys in the family. (He also had two sisters) Being the youngest he got a job no one else wanted and so from the earliest age and moment possible, his  brothers dumped this shepherding job on him. And so at a very young age he became the family's official shepherd of their small flock of sheep, like it or not. 

When we look at 1 Samuel 16-18 there is just no way to romanticize this experience thinking it was all fun, easy and safe. In our day and in our country this would be called child labor and against the law. To put it bluntly, his brothers were eager to go on to any other  number of jobs like joining Saul's army, hunting or tanning sheep hide for clothing etc. The older siblings had the power, hated that job and forced him out there into the wilderness with those smelly sheep as soon as they could. The job itself would be no simple task as David was literally living out in outdoors year round. He had to move his flock to water and good grass every day regardless of the weather. He had to protect them from wild animals and also nurse them preventing the affects of bugs and diseases. Then he also had to take care of his own needs for clothing in all seasons, his own meals, his own personal toiletries aches and pains. Safety for him at night was sleeping with the sheep in their sheepfold. It was hard, lonely, dangerous and monotonous, a serious challenge for any adult much less a teenage boy.

This passage also indicates that he was overlooked, ignored and disliked by his family. He was often left out of family gatherings and could only dream of what he might be missing as he looked longingly at the home-stead fires from the distance of the hillsides.  Even when special events were planned he was ignored and left literally out in the cold. He was unrecognized for his achievements and and left alone most of the time. 

For example, when the most popular and famous prophet of the day, Samuel came to visit their household, which had never happened before, nor ever expected to happen again, all the family, meaning all his brothers, except David, were invited to be there to welcome him. This was when Samuel had been asked by God to anoint the next king of Israel. It was very exciting as someone very special, someone known as a man after God's own heart would be chosen to be the next king. And he David was not there. And after a while to everyone's disappointment, none of his brothers were chosen, meaning that none of them were that person. So everyone wondered who else it could it be? 

Had the prophet gone to the wrong house? Had he read his texts and emails from God wrongly? What was going on? Was there someone missing? Is there someone they're hiding? Like do you  folks have another son somewhere? What's wrong with this family?

​"Oh right, actually we do have another son, see, he's out there iwth the sheep." Say's Jesse David's father, but in his head he's saying, "But we all know he's not the one anyways!" 
    "Well you better find him and get him here cause we're not sitting down till I see him, thank you very much!" declared the confused but determined prophet Samuel!" 

 Now it's clear that David was experiencing loneliness, spending all that time alone on the hillsides of Judea. So he to had to deal with it. He could have responded like I had done, in anger against his family, parents, brothers, and his God. No one would have blamed him, he had gotten a raw deal and it was not right. What kind of father was Jesse anyways, allowing this to come about, did he not have control of his own sons? How could he allow those seven sons of his, bully David like that? It was an outrageous injustice to say the least! 

Next we will get into who David really was. There is a murky past we need to know. It will clarify those family dynamics he's experiencing.  

INTRODUCTION:
​Do you know that up to half of you reading this blog are feeling lonely, disconnected, socially isolated and alone.

Now that is not good and I'm feeling like we must do something about this. I myself have had this experience and it's no fun. I'm not an expert by any means, but I'd like to share some thoughts that just might help.

I must say though that most people would be quite surprised by  this high percentage of loneliness, because we do live in a world that we all know is more "connected" than in all the history of mankind. We have more ways to communicate than you can shake an I-phone at! You would think with all that "liking, emogies and texts" that we should all be feeling warm and cozy with so much "contentedness!" Yet, I'm sure we've all seen a version of this picture, a couple sitting at a table in a restaurant, each looking at their i-phones instead of talking to one another! Is that a meaningful human connection? I don't think so.

The reason I'm interested in this is not only that I've experienced this but because my favorite Bible character also suffered from loneliness. David, who God himself refereed to as "a man after God's own heart" suffered from loneliness a lot. I think his example of how he dealt with it will give us some good ideas how to prevent it and/or deal with it, will encourage all of us, as it is a human condition. Everyone has run into this at one time or another. 

I'be been reading about a recent US surgeon general claiming that his country is facing a "loneliness epidemic"  Surveys reveal that half of Americans say thy regularly feel lonely while 40% say they don't have any meaningful relationships"! Did you hear that? No meaningful relationships at all! That's just terrible.

I've learned that both a high number of teenagers experience loneliness and also that the aged in old folk homes suffer high rates of loneliness. But its bigger than that, normal people in every walk of life are dealing with it. For example In a 2016 national survey in Canada, there were 28 per cent of households that were single-person households. And it's growing. You just know there would be a lot of loneliness right there too.  

The other thing is that doctors will tell you that loneliness brings with it health risks such as cognitive decline, depression, anxiety, substance abuse/addictions, high blood pressure, depression, suicides and so on. It causes a really wide-ranging number of ill-effects on health in general. So now it becomes a public health expense issue also. This same US surgeon general also claimed that "loneliness has the same health risks as smoking 15 cigarettes a day." Ouch!

The fact is that we have been created as social creatures. We cannot survive in isolation. We must have some close friends we can feel connected with or we will be dealing with loneliness. It is somewhat subjective as some people are outgoing and need lots of friends, while others are happy and feeling good with one two or three good friends. 

But, we have a problem, we've been sold this "independence" story that for us to get ahead and live a good life we need to be strong and independent by nature. Let me say this the "Marlboro Man" was a lonely man. He looked strong and handsome but he was alone. He had no good connections that gave him life and meaning. That's our problem, we were not made to live out our life alone.

When we do feel lonely and disconnected things go something like this, we begin to withdraw! Our confidence begins to dwindle, we retreat, stay in the house, don't go out. We begin to wonder what's wrong with us. We begin to get upset, angry even when we see how great everyone else is doing. We stay away from Facebook because we cannot compete with the great lives others are living. We don't eat well, we think of the world as unfair...we begin to believe lies like no one likes us, you are alone, their all talking about you, I'm the only one who's suffering like this, no one understands me. How could a loving God do this to me? It must be my fault, you tell yourself it's because I have so little faith....etc etc. And down we go...These I have to tell  you are all lies. 

Well you are not alone, our super hero, regular guy, David of the Bible experienced loneliness. Here's the encouraging thing. Maybe this is to much for you but if David with all his battles with loneliness could end up being "a man after God's own heart" so can you and you and you and me. I know some of you think I'm crazy, but it's true, and it's exiting to even think that this is actually possible.

I'm looking forward to sharing about that in my next blog, see you then.

"Jonah a "fragmented" prophet"!
Ceramic Sculpture by Cliff Derksen

What I have learned is that every "curve ball " of life has an immediate affect! It's called "fragmentation" of all the kinds unique to the curve ball and our personalities. Here are some examples.

This week on Thursday night the "big man" of the Winnipeg Jets Dustin Byfuglien literally ran into a bigger man Jamie Oleksiak of the Chicago Black Hawks and something unusual and strange happened, Something we are not used to seeing, and that is Dustin went down like a sack of broken hammers. Normally it's everyone he runs into that goes down in a heap. 

This time it was Dustin who was disoriented. What happened  was his chin hit the man's helmet and this time he had the rubber legs thing happening. It was of course very disconcerting and concerning to all of us his fans, to see this unusual result, our muscle bound hero so disoriented, needing help to get off the ice is something we've seldom, if ever seen before. When he got to the boards he tried to swing his leg over and it would not cooperate.

This herky-jerky disoriented scene is the result of jolt we've often called a curve ball that in his case disconnected his brain signals from his body. The two could not understand each other! There communication was totally fragmented, hence the jerky rubbery aspect of his movements. 

When  Wilma picked me up from work (on this anniversary date of Candace's disappearance (Nov. 30th) thirty-four years ago today) and discovered that Candace had not come home from school, the fragmentation began to set in. I became disconnected  and experienced this fragmentation in many ways. The first was after I'd run her normal walking route from our home to her school. Once I got to the school and had to turn back I did not want to go looking in any other places. Since I had not found her or  any evidence of her on her normal route, where should I now go? I was torn. Do I go different streets or worse, do I go down back alleys? Why would I do that? I could not bear the idea of looking into a dumpster! I did not want to accept the very idea of the unspoken horror... I was dancing around. It would mean I was admitting the very worst of the worst and I could not yet go there.

As I was creating the sculpture of Jonah pictured above I learned that he also experienced fragmentation. He was being asked by his God to speak to the Ninivites about the true God who created all things. But Jonah loved his job as a prophet in Israel. He was successful and loved by his people for his work. This request was out of the box. First, no prophet had ever been sent out as a "missionary" prophet to other countries. They had always been prophets of Israel alone. Why should he be the first? Secondly, these were very vicious enemies of Israel. As far as he was concerned he could not see how he could survive it. He would be hanging from the point of a  spear in no time. It was a suicide mission.

What did he do? He ran. No meetings with other prophets about the problem, no message to his family recorded, just running. He got on a ship and went the opposite direction as quickly as he could!  Throughout the book there is miscommunication and fragmentation. It was only after being up-chucked by a very large fish that he responded, sort of. Interestingly he had the most amazing and immediate positive results imagined, even when finally he did gave his message albeit grudgingly and briefly! It turned out to have a national affect of repentance and change for the whole city including their rulers. This of course angered jonah even more!

When the uniformed police arrived at our house they used the word "runaway," we used the word "abducted' and the two concepts were never resolved. They refused to search early on because they said she'd come out of hiding from a friends place and appear at school on Monday morning as if nothing had happened! I spoke about searching now as evidence was getting cold. They refused. Another amazing fragmentation were communication was broken. It wasn't until the homicide department took over the case that we began to actually work together, for which we are forever grateful.!

By the time I was doing my something like fourth of fifth search outside our house, my mind was screaming. I remember going under the Nairn overpass and coming out of the shade on the south side and upon entered the glistening moonlit snow I stopped. Looking ahead I could see the jumble of sheds and materials in a brick-yard in front of me. I looked up in anguish asking God "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" Then through tear stained eyes looking at the bright moon shining in a pitch black sky. The beauty of it all clashed with the searing agony of my mind, soul and spirit...I let out long agonizing primal searing scream! I was broken and fragmented, unable to function, falling apart. 

What I did not know was that about seven days later her body would be found frozen inside a shed in that brickyard. I've often wondered if she heard me. 

If you have in the past or recently had a "curve ball" experience in life this might be just what you are going through...like the crack of that opening que-ball spreading the balls all over the pool table, your mind is going off in all directions.

Take your time, find your friends to tell your story so you can work out finding the words, also write a journal, work on a personal relationship with God who will assist you in the process of forgiveness, anger and your spirituality. This is a time you don't want to be disconnected from your creator God. 

Below is the web site with photo and story of Byfuglien's experience: ​
​https://winnipegsun.com/sports/hockey/nhl/winnipeg-jets/byfuglien-morrow-out-niku-and-schilling-in-for-jets-vs-blackhawks

It's time to take some time for yourself! Relax and be creative with no pressure. This is therapeutic! When don't we need that?

Call Barb at "Hidden Treasures" 204-691-9957 to register for the next set of 8 classes beginning Wed. Jan. 16, 6:30 - 8:30 pm. Located at 1-150 Goulet St.

We will be doing trays, mugs/cups and maybe even something like an all purpose pitcher for your kitchen. 

See you all soon, Clayman Cliff!

Today I am recovering from last nights amazing art show. It was our "Christmas Concert and Art Show" at St. Aidan's featuring all the art classes and their art since Sept. This included our "Portal Studio" art family of Grades 9 - 12 students you see above. You notice I said "family", well one of the students mentioned this in an Instagram following our art show and I agree, we have become a family of artists in every sense of the word. 

Today I wish to honor this amazing group. above. Most of them have been in this glass for up to three years now. Our yearly themes have included subjects like the human figure, animals, and this year, landscapes. 

Every one in this group is an amazing and uniquely gifted artist. They are no longer simply showing "things" in their work, but are using metaphors speaking of a huge verity of very important issues of life. These have to do with courage and solutions in the face of trouble, anxiety, loneliness, suffering, and fear. They speak of moving out into the world. Of history and what we do with it, and more. They reflect stories they read or are in the process of creating themselves. 

They are gaining a voice in their expression, speaking loudly with visual art via canvas and sculpture. 

I am so looking forward to the "Graduation Art Show" to be held at the end of the school year in June of 2018.

Here are some images of their work for you to enjoy.

​

 So, what do you do for the last art class of the year? It's spring, the weather is fantastic, and school's practically out...no one feels like being inside anymore! No problem, let's do bubbles! After all, everyone loves bobbles!

We have a gentleman doing just that at a park near our house. He's often out there using the gentle breese to make bubbles, and I mean bubbles, big ones floating along, undulating and moving as they float along in the air. It's amazing to watch.

So that's what I did. Black paper, oil pastels and a few items to make circles and away we go. Oh, sorry I missed one part. I also brought in a bubble toy so I could blow bubbles right in the classroom so the students could see the reflections and colors in the transparent bubble floating along. 

Of course, it was hard for them not to burst them with their hands...

Once they are into it I give the bubble toy to a student, and away they go. One found a fan in the classroom, turned it on and held the bubble maker in front of the whirling fan...wow, streams of bubbles burst into the room! 

​Mission accomplished!