#65 The Leaving and the beginning

Cliff has left us. After a turn for the worse, around 8 o'clock last night, he left us.
I am broken hearted. I'm taking this day just to cry. Details will follow. Thank you all for coming on this journey with us. 

Smiley 
"The reason angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly."

I promised Cliff that I would continue to tell his story.

The story continues
​*****************************************************************************
 
The call came out of the blue.

It was November 30, 2006 – the anniversary of Candace's disappearance. Detective Sergeant Al Bradbury from the Cold Case Homicide Unit of the Winnipeg Police telephoned us “just to chat” he said.

We sensed something immediately.

After casually asking us how we were, he mentioned that their unit had received a sizable grant to reopen the cold case investigation of the murder of our daughter, then added that there were three other officers who wanted to meet with us soon.

We met, and that’s when we found out that they had “found someone.” After a long-involved investigation, they finally felt that they could prove it.

Then on May 16, 2007, another telephone call telling us this time that the Winnipeg police had successfully arrested the man for the murder of our 13-year-old daughter, and if we would come to the Public Safety Building downtown for the press conference.

A press conference where I read a statement formally thanking the police for their hard work and thanking Winnipeg for their support. 

After the press conference, some of the reporters followed us to our home for more in-depth interviews. 

After the journalists left, the telephone didn’t stop ringing until about ten o’clock that night when finally we were left alone as a family, sinking exhausted into our living room couches, wanting to debrief the day.

Unexpectedly, the doorbell rang. It was ten o’clock.
Standing at the door was Paul Isaak, a police officer, with his wife, Sylvia, whom Wilma had met when her mother was murdered. Both were nervous and apologetic for arriving so late and unannounced.

They were the perfect experts for the moment. They had experienced a trial. They had come to comfort us and to share their knowledge - very much like the man who had come after Candace's “what to expect.”

We all grilled them. . Paul was able to outline the process, the bail hearing, the preliminary hearing and eventually the trial that included a Judge, Crown and Defence.

Sylvia talked about the social aspect, the need to have people around. She described how, after the preliminary hearing, she had floundered and decided that in order for her to survive the trial, she would need people. She organized her friends and family and coped much better because of it.

They talked about the spiritual aspect of a trial. To us it was obvious that they had been very intentional throughout the entire process, exactly what we wanted to be.
 
When the couple left, we talked at length about how to prepare in all of these areas: physically, socially, spiritually and mentally.

The entire day felt like deja vu. We felt we had lived this before. It seemed like a familiar plot. An odd rerun of the first beginnings when Candace had been found murdered.

There is something called a narrative circular plot found in all the classic works of literature, from oral anecdotes to modern cinema. We saw the same circular format emerging on our story, similar themes playing themselves out. 

I had a lot of mixed feelings about this as it had now been 23 years since we had lost Candace. It had been ten years ago that I had experienced that spiritual rebirth of forgiveness.

Now I wondered if my forgiveness would hold? It had leaked away once, would it do it again? How would I react upon seeing this man who might be the one who had done the deed?

The next day, I remember sitting in the living room when the news of the arrest came up on the TV news. To my shock and surprise, they showed his picture right alongside Candace’s now very public-school portrait in a single screen shot.

The two faces filling the screen together, side by side.  THAT HURT! It hurt a lot! The first thing that went through my head was that he looked like he was a member of the family! Like a cozy shot of an uncle and a niece!

I realized of course this was only in my head and would not be in the mind of the journalists who were just doing their job and trying to communicate a dramatic story in a dramatic way.

As I listened to broadcaster tell the story with pictures of the shed and such. We found out that the man was a career sex offender. One report said. “He blames his hatred of women on his mother and sister, and has a 20-year resume of crime to show for his anger.”

We just sat there for a moment in stunned silence trying to absorb it, and feeling numb I began to realize that I was particularly calm.  I wondered at myself, I should be mad, like throwing this water bottle I was holding at the screen!  Any normal father would be jumping up, cussing and swearing at this murderer on the screen!!”

But I found myself, wondering what might have caused him to do such and thing. What kind of childhood had he had? What kind of life had he led? Had he been filled with anger as my forgiving process had suggested?

I realized, to my surprise that my anger was really gone! I was also surprised at the thought of concern I had for this man who might be the one who’d done it. What must he be going through now that it was all exposed and he was being accused of murder?

The work I’d done to forgive had stuck and was working! I myself was rather surprised at this, but very relieved also!

However, we discovered that the wheels of justice move very slowly.
 
In the meantime, I had acquired a studio. A space had opened up at Clifton Studio and it proved to be exactly what I wanted.

---

“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God.
- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
― Mahatma Gandhi