#70 Fisticuffs

Loving the flowers. Loving the attention Cliff is receiving. Loving the words. Loving the angels that keep appearing.


Smiley....
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.

And the story continues.....

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The next sculpture in my artistic journey through the fifteen steps of healing, was Resting David the third serious piece of work that I did in my Clifton studio.
 
One can battle only for so long and then one needs to rest.
 
There are all kinds of battles – there was the battle to convince the police to find Candace, the battle through grief, the battle to “let go” of the need to know as we lived through the 26 years of not knowing who had killed her – and now there was the court room battle of words and arguments.
 
I remember one moment when the arguments came to a head and then faltered into a stalemate – a deadly draw….
 
The judge learned forward and suggested a “whisper session.”
 
The Crown and Defense huddled and they whispered but after just a few minutes, the Crown looked up. “We’re not able to resolve the issue, My Lord. We apologize. Perhaps, now would be an opportune time for the break.”
 
The Judge turned to the jury. “When they say they’re not able to resolve the issue, that doesn’t mean there’ll be fisticuffs later on, ladies and gentlemen. It means that we can’t move ahead at this point in the, in the examination, so we’ll take a break. They’ll have further discussions, and if necessary, I’ll make a ruling at some point. But we’ll start at 1:30 and I don’t think we’ll be too much longer with this witness, if that’s agreeable with you. Okay. Thanks.”
 
Fisticuffs?
 
We all chuckled at the word. It lightened the room immediately as it was intended to.
 
On the other hand – part of the amusement of a well-placed quip is that it dares to call it for what it is.
 
And there was a war-like struggle going on in the courtroom – a constant battle. Under the veneer of the extreme show of etiquette and politeness there was a war going on – a war resembling a cold war, with special dynamics. A cold war demands that no one break off diplomatic relations; so, to find mutually acceptable solutions to justice, the players carefully crafted statements in the most nonconfrontational or polite manner as possible.
 
Sure, the lawyers referred to each other as “my learned friend” and referred to solicitors, police officers and court staff simply as “my friend.” They all referred to the Judge as “your Honor” or at least “Sir” or “Madam” but this was no love in. The words like arrows were always expertly aimed to destroy.
 
King David’s whole life had been a battle. There was the battle of competition with his father-in-law the King Saul. He was under a “kill on sight” order by his nation’s government for about seven years. King Saul and his 3000 professional solders did all they could to find and destroy him during those years.
 
He’s known as the warrior king so I sculpted him sitting on the ground, dressed in his full armour. I researched historical armor and chose to dress him in the impressive Roman metal armor – just because I can.
 
When I was almost done, my wife stopped by the studio to see my latest piece of work. After I described who the man was sitting on the ground still decked in his armor.
 
She looked at me. “He looks tired. Looks as if you are tired…” she observed. Apparently, my sculptures are a direct extension of my own mood.
 
I had to admit it, I was physically exhausted, emotionally weary, tired of the issues, tired of the war, tired of the whole thing.  
 
“Or are you depressed?” She turned to the sculpture still needing to be refined. “Is he taking a rest or is he feeling defeated?”
 
There is a difference being immobilized by external forces or being immobilized by self– pity internal forces. 
 
The accumulative effects of trauma can result in feelings of fragmentation,  disorientation, and disempowerment. Extended lack of satisfactory closure can cause a paralysation commonly known as becoming “Stuck.”
 
Stuck is the worst. As long as one is moving, even if it is very slowly means there is life.
 
To get stuck or to 'hit the wall' is to suddenly reach a mental block of self-pity, negativity and lies we tell ourselves.
 
Was I stuck or resting?
 
Rest is nothing we should apologize for. It is a holy act and downright good for the soul. 
 
Resting allows us to find a way. If God rested on the 7th day of creation, why would we be above taking some for ourselves? Rest is not selfish.
 
“I’m just tired,” I said. “He might be sitting but he’s got on his armor – when he takes that off, he’s in trouble.”
 
 I decided thinking about the verse… “Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
 

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What seemed to be the end proved to be the beginning;
what seemed to be a cause for fear
proved to be a cause for courage;
what seemed to be defeat proved to be victory;
and what seemed to be the basis for despair
proved to be the basis for hope.
Suddenly a wall becomes a gate,
and although we are not able to say with much clarity
or precision what lies beyond the gate,
the tone of all that we do and say on our way to the gate
changes drastically.
– Henri Nouwen