Our story can outlive us and everyone else...especially when it has been expressed in a work of art.
Smiley...
You have two parts of the brain, “left” and “right”. On the left side, there’s nothing right and on the right side, there’s nothing left.
The story continues.....
****************************
If you feel like you have no control, and you have to deal with a difficult situation that is affecting your life in a profound way, it can be really difficult to cope with.
It can take you to breaking point
We lived in suspense in one form or another for about 33 years. We went from one question to the next question. Who murdered our daughter? Did he really do it? What went wrong with the first decision? Will this ever end? What does acquittal mean - are we somehow responsible if he is out? Is his support group strong enough to keep our community safe? Can he become a millionaire through this all? What will happen next?
It's especially hard to ignore when it is so public and it feels as if the entire city is in limbo.
For example - in an article written by James Turner, published in the Winnipeg Free Press, November 26, 2013, he wrote, “Monday, the Manitoba Prosecutions Service confirmed they've elected the latter choice and will seek leave to appeal from the Supreme Court of Canada in hopes of overturning a recent bombshell decision from Manitoba's Appeal Court that quashed Grant's conviction. The leave application is the first step in what could be a long legal process that may not result in Grant or Derksen's family achieving resolution for years. The Crown must demonstrate to the high court the case has ‘national importance’ before it can get a full hearing.”
It felt strange to be told we would not be achieving resolution for years. One would think we would be used to living with suspense – and no longer hope or need resolution - but we did. We always hoped - but learned to accept.
We learned we couldn’t control the system, we couldn’t control the decisions. We had no control over the timing, the place nor the outcomes.
When we were told the dates of the Supreme Court hearings, we hopped onto a plane and headed for Ottawa – no control over the expense of all of this either.
How does one sculpt this living in suspense?
I chose to perch an “every man” human being sitting on a piece of cloth with nothing seemingly holding it up in the air! The markings on his/her body represent DNA the only sure thing in this piece!
Looks like he might unfortunately fall due to the weakness of the cloth! Fragile. He is living in suspense.
Secondly, I will be marking the seat he's sitting with a spool of rope. There are many symbols for rope. It might be a symbol of how we are tied to something.
There is also the negative aspects of a relationship, feelings of bondage and constriction, taking place emotionally or in the communication, or possibly even physically. How about "feeling tied down?" Most of us have heard that phrase. There is also the idea of being connected to history, systems of old, ideas of the past that may or may not work now.
In my case the rope not only connects with our case where our daughter was hog-tied, it is also something that speaks to the actual court trial process. Are we "tied" to a system that "might" find the truth almost in spite of itself?
So, I need a rope and it will be wound around my representative of humanities seat and come out curled (knotted?) around his ankle, then continue down the slope of the rising sheet of doubt he's perched upon….”
There is a real sense of powerlessness to be up against an institution or organization – made up of many people, highly professional, with a highly developed culture of language, code of ethics. Institutions can be formidable foes – perhaps even more formidable than an individual.
It was like living with a big elephant in the room. When we met some one casually in the mall, after the introductory niceties, inevitably the people would pause then, looking deep into our eyes, ask the question,
“Did he do it?”
I would nod, “Yes.”
That would lead to the next question – and the next – and the next.
Finally, we discovered that the trial was just too complicated to talk about. We couldn’t seem to share a decent conversation with anyone about our case because it would take an insurmountable pile of words to even begin to have a conversation about it.
This period very quickly left us voiceless, powerless and completely exhausted.
How does one gain control of one’s life again? How does one find a voice when there are no words? How were we going to cope everything this time? I wondered.
Both Wilma and I resorted to our creativity. Sculpting this piece - a person suspended… helped me image it.
But a wise woman once gave me some great advice on how to cope with such situations:
"Can you control the outcome? Is this in your hands?"
"No."
"Well let it go then."
Another place and form of forgiveness.
You can only control how much you let a situation control you.
So accept that it is going to happen. And accept that there is going to be life after this.
You simply don't know. It's called suspended.
After this one, I had one more sculpture to make... the final statement, the climax, the stunning, satisfying ending.
No pressure.....
Smiley...
You have two parts of the brain, “left” and “right”. On the left side, there’s nothing right and on the right side, there’s nothing left.
The story continues.....
****************************
If you feel like you have no control, and you have to deal with a difficult situation that is affecting your life in a profound way, it can be really difficult to cope with.
It can take you to breaking point
We lived in suspense in one form or another for about 33 years. We went from one question to the next question. Who murdered our daughter? Did he really do it? What went wrong with the first decision? Will this ever end? What does acquittal mean - are we somehow responsible if he is out? Is his support group strong enough to keep our community safe? Can he become a millionaire through this all? What will happen next?
It's especially hard to ignore when it is so public and it feels as if the entire city is in limbo.
For example - in an article written by James Turner, published in the Winnipeg Free Press, November 26, 2013, he wrote, “Monday, the Manitoba Prosecutions Service confirmed they've elected the latter choice and will seek leave to appeal from the Supreme Court of Canada in hopes of overturning a recent bombshell decision from Manitoba's Appeal Court that quashed Grant's conviction. The leave application is the first step in what could be a long legal process that may not result in Grant or Derksen's family achieving resolution for years. The Crown must demonstrate to the high court the case has ‘national importance’ before it can get a full hearing.”
It felt strange to be told we would not be achieving resolution for years. One would think we would be used to living with suspense – and no longer hope or need resolution - but we did. We always hoped - but learned to accept.
We learned we couldn’t control the system, we couldn’t control the decisions. We had no control over the timing, the place nor the outcomes.
When we were told the dates of the Supreme Court hearings, we hopped onto a plane and headed for Ottawa – no control over the expense of all of this either.
How does one sculpt this living in suspense?
I chose to perch an “every man” human being sitting on a piece of cloth with nothing seemingly holding it up in the air! The markings on his/her body represent DNA the only sure thing in this piece!
Looks like he might unfortunately fall due to the weakness of the cloth! Fragile. He is living in suspense.
Secondly, I will be marking the seat he's sitting with a spool of rope. There are many symbols for rope. It might be a symbol of how we are tied to something.
There is also the negative aspects of a relationship, feelings of bondage and constriction, taking place emotionally or in the communication, or possibly even physically. How about "feeling tied down?" Most of us have heard that phrase. There is also the idea of being connected to history, systems of old, ideas of the past that may or may not work now.
In my case the rope not only connects with our case where our daughter was hog-tied, it is also something that speaks to the actual court trial process. Are we "tied" to a system that "might" find the truth almost in spite of itself?
So, I need a rope and it will be wound around my representative of humanities seat and come out curled (knotted?) around his ankle, then continue down the slope of the rising sheet of doubt he's perched upon….”
There is a real sense of powerlessness to be up against an institution or organization – made up of many people, highly professional, with a highly developed culture of language, code of ethics. Institutions can be formidable foes – perhaps even more formidable than an individual.
It was like living with a big elephant in the room. When we met some one casually in the mall, after the introductory niceties, inevitably the people would pause then, looking deep into our eyes, ask the question,
“Did he do it?”
I would nod, “Yes.”
That would lead to the next question – and the next – and the next.
Finally, we discovered that the trial was just too complicated to talk about. We couldn’t seem to share a decent conversation with anyone about our case because it would take an insurmountable pile of words to even begin to have a conversation about it.
This period very quickly left us voiceless, powerless and completely exhausted.
How does one gain control of one’s life again? How does one find a voice when there are no words? How were we going to cope everything this time? I wondered.
Both Wilma and I resorted to our creativity. Sculpting this piece - a person suspended… helped me image it.
But a wise woman once gave me some great advice on how to cope with such situations:
"Can you control the outcome? Is this in your hands?"
"No."
"Well let it go then."
Another place and form of forgiveness.
You can only control how much you let a situation control you.
So accept that it is going to happen. And accept that there is going to be life after this.
You simply don't know. It's called suspended.
After this one, I had one more sculpture to make... the final statement, the climax, the stunning, satisfying ending.
No pressure.....
To wait with openness and trust is an enormously
radical attitude toward life.
It is choosing to hope that something is happening
for us that is far beyond our own imaginings.
It is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life. It is living with the conviction that God molds us in love,
holds us in tenderness, and moves us away
from the sources of our fear.
Our spiritual life is a life in which we wait,
actively present to the moment,
expecting that new things will happen to us,
new things that are far beyond our own imagination or prediction. This, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.
– Henri Nouwen
radical attitude toward life.
It is choosing to hope that something is happening
for us that is far beyond our own imaginings.
It is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life. It is living with the conviction that God molds us in love,
holds us in tenderness, and moves us away
from the sources of our fear.
Our spiritual life is a life in which we wait,
actively present to the moment,
expecting that new things will happen to us,
new things that are far beyond our own imagination or prediction. This, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.
– Henri Nouwen
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