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​#99 Chasing the light

6/25/2022

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Picture
After the rain storm the flowers are growing and shining - ready for the photographer....
 
Smiley….
 
A man walks into a dentist and says “I think I’m a moth”.
The dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He replies “I know but your light was on”
 
The story continues……
 
***********************
 
While writing one of her books, my wife was trying to reconstruct a day and asked me when we had been interviewed by the media  on a certain day.
 
I said. "Three o'clock."  - with a measure of certainty.
 
“How can you be so certain?” she asked.
 
“Because I remember the afternoon sunlight on the reporters’ faces  - mid-afternoon shadows.”
 
She gasped. “Of all things that were going on for us - you remember the slant of the sun’s light into the room?”
 
I nodded.

Ever since I started this part of my autobiography, I knew I needed to identify the over-riding theme of my life story.

Perhaps this is the theme of my life, I have always been aware of the "light."

​I had learned the importance of light with my little box camera.
 
More than any other fundamental aspect of photography, light is at the heart of every image. Without light, photography cannot exist; it is the foundation of every image, giving shape and meaning to each scene.
 
From the soft mist hovering over a pool of water, to the drama of a setting sun, or the play of a moving rainbow, photography is simply: chasing the light.
 
So many elements combine to form a successful image –composition, subject matter, and camera settings – but light is different. Without it, one wouldn’t have a photograph in the first place.
 
Before I really knew who I was, I was recognized as an artist and found my first acceptable expression by taking pictures with my little black box camera.
 
Chasing the light expanded from there to every artistic expression I explored – right to the flowers that I painted at the end of my career which devoid of color became totally dependent on the play of light.
 
I also found myself chasing the light through the dark night of the soul.
 
The phrase, “dark night of the soul” is often used informally to describe an extremely difficult and painful period in one's life, for example, after the death of a loved one; the loss of a career; or the diagnosis of a life-threatening illness.
 
I’ve experienced all of those. I am still described as the father of Candace who at thirteen years old was abducted and murdered. I was also suspected and took a polygraph test to prove I was innocent.
 
These were the dark tunnels that I was known for, but I’ve had many others.  I was bullied, rejected, undermined and deemed a failure many times, each time finding myself on my knees in a dark night of the soul.
 
Finding the path through the darkness – walking towards the light- not giving up hope is not easy. I am reminded of those anger driven trucker days when all I saw was darkness. I didn’t even have the ability to chase the light – it was too dark to see.
 
At this point forgiveness was my light, I had to choose it again and again.
 
As my anger robbed me of my peace of mind and turned my brain into a funnel of cycling resentments, I had to fill it with the light of Jonah’s story. I had to memorize the entire story to over ride my out-of-control thoughts and cement the story into my mind, word by word.
 
As guilt and self-doubt clogged my creativity, I had to begin to work the clay, breaking it down, slamming it against the table, and violently choosing the road of forgiveness by turning evil into good – pouring my excellence into sculpting.
 
As the runaway blame came into play turning everyone else into a villain, I had to take responsibility of my own issues, pack them onto skids and drive them to the Grand Canyon to dump into the ravine - very deliberately channeling my nightmare into a story of hope.
 
The light of the forgiveness journey had to have a source. 
 
And right from the beginning I was always chasing the Light of the World so I could become more like him. As a young boy, I had glimpsed the power of that light in the northern lights on the open prairie and could never forget the force of light.
 
Sometimes I found myself chasing after the answers, trying to find the solution instead of chasing after the one who is the solution. 
 
Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” - John 8:12
 
“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? - Psalm 27:1
 
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” - 1 John 1:5-7
 
Albert Einstein in his youth mentally chased beams of light. He was said to have spent his entire career chasing a ray of light. In all that study he never actually fully understood light, but in the process of pursuing it he made some of the most remarkable discoveries of his generation, and for generations to come.
 
That’s how it is with God. Pursuing God, we discover a remarkable life with Him.  Not to pursue Him, life would be so different, life becomes so much smaller.
 
To sum up my life, I would say, I too was chasing the light. It was often the combination of chasing flowers to take pictures of them in the bright sunshine that I encountered their Creator. I couldn’t help but continue the chase towards God’s light down the path of forgiveness that led me directly to the source of all light that of the cross, refilling my dark soul with peace, joy, hope and love.
 
It was worth the chase…. 

I have always been... 'Chasing the light!'
  

People who have come to know the joy of God
do not deny the darkness,
but they choose not to live in it.
They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself
and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness.
They point each other to flashes of light here and there,
and remind each other that they reveal
the hidden but real presence of God.
They discover that there are people who heal each other’s wounds, forgive each other’s offenses,
share their possessions,
foster the spirit of community,
celebrate the gifts they have received,
and live in constant anticipation
of the full manifestation of God’s glory.
​– Henri Nouwen
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