Since being diagnosed with cancer I’ve now experienced - not only the dark night of the soul - but the dark night of the body. I am experiencing the physical discomfort of liquid gathering in a distended belly, and hours of draining in the emergency ward of over 4 liters of fluid.
I also now know what it is like to wait in a waiting room with other people obviously in pain – everybody suffering from something.
I’ve seen them lying on the floor writhing….
There was this one tall gangly young man at least six feet tall who walked in with a bag and made a ruckus setting himself up in his cubicle. He pushed the chair back against the glass behind him waking up the women in that next cubicle! Then he went down and laid himself out on the floor covering himself with his jacked and colorful scarf. He just lay there motionless, completely covered!
An hour or so later a staff member noticed him on the floor. She went over and talked to him, asking him to get up! He responded saying “I cannot sit because I will puke!”
“You cannot lay on the floor; you have to get up!” she insisted.
“I can’t. I’ll throw up!” he mumbled.
“You have to get off the floor. I’s dirty! You must get off the floor!”
“Can’t, I’ll throw up!”
The nurse left.
Five minutes later two burly, tattooed, hospital security guards show up, walked right up to him, booting him to wake him up insisting he get up immediately or he would be forced to leave the room.
He peeked out of from under his jacked collar, saw that they were guards, said “I’m going to puke!” slowly getting off the floor and onto his chair.
Once he was settled in, the security left and he adjusted himself, completely covering himself with a sheet he found on another chair. Now he looked like one of those pointy paper water cups, just upside down, with a slit at the top where his face was hidden. Then he bent forward and sideways, resting his shoulder and head against the wall. Over time the mountain kept bending lower and lower, like he’d tip over anytime.
Later I saw that he had worked his way back onto the floor.
I got the feeling his life was crashing around him!
One of the nurses must have alerted the security folk again as we could hear them coming from a distance - their gear clattering loudly giving them away.
He too heard them coming and by the time they got to him he was already kind of back on his chair!
This scenario repeated itself one more time before finally his name was called and he escaped with a nurse into the hospital ward entrance that was finally ready to deal with his ailments.
I remember a long time ago when Anne Steinman, a well-known pastor in the city here, came to visit us when Candace had gone missing and we were talking about how the abduction had inspired the most unlikely people to pray for her safe return.
And she said, “When there is a storm at sea even a hardened sailor will be forced to get on his knees and pray.”
That’s where I am now…. on my knees on a dirty floor. And it's okay. God is there with me. The view of God changes from sitting on a chair to that of being on my knees on a dirty floor. God knows all about the dirty floor and has been on that dirty floor himself, and knows how to hold me in his love.
This past week I’ve experienced the ‘no man’s land’ between the hospital medical system and Cancer Care…. I'm told that in Cancer Care there is empathy and understanding of the desperation of landing on one’s knees in the dark night of the body.
There’s new hope. I have an appointment.
Thank you for your prayers.
I also now know what it is like to wait in a waiting room with other people obviously in pain – everybody suffering from something.
I’ve seen them lying on the floor writhing….
There was this one tall gangly young man at least six feet tall who walked in with a bag and made a ruckus setting himself up in his cubicle. He pushed the chair back against the glass behind him waking up the women in that next cubicle! Then he went down and laid himself out on the floor covering himself with his jacked and colorful scarf. He just lay there motionless, completely covered!
An hour or so later a staff member noticed him on the floor. She went over and talked to him, asking him to get up! He responded saying “I cannot sit because I will puke!”
“You cannot lay on the floor; you have to get up!” she insisted.
“I can’t. I’ll throw up!” he mumbled.
“You have to get off the floor. I’s dirty! You must get off the floor!”
“Can’t, I’ll throw up!”
The nurse left.
Five minutes later two burly, tattooed, hospital security guards show up, walked right up to him, booting him to wake him up insisting he get up immediately or he would be forced to leave the room.
He peeked out of from under his jacked collar, saw that they were guards, said “I’m going to puke!” slowly getting off the floor and onto his chair.
Once he was settled in, the security left and he adjusted himself, completely covering himself with a sheet he found on another chair. Now he looked like one of those pointy paper water cups, just upside down, with a slit at the top where his face was hidden. Then he bent forward and sideways, resting his shoulder and head against the wall. Over time the mountain kept bending lower and lower, like he’d tip over anytime.
Later I saw that he had worked his way back onto the floor.
I got the feeling his life was crashing around him!
One of the nurses must have alerted the security folk again as we could hear them coming from a distance - their gear clattering loudly giving them away.
He too heard them coming and by the time they got to him he was already kind of back on his chair!
This scenario repeated itself one more time before finally his name was called and he escaped with a nurse into the hospital ward entrance that was finally ready to deal with his ailments.
I remember a long time ago when Anne Steinman, a well-known pastor in the city here, came to visit us when Candace had gone missing and we were talking about how the abduction had inspired the most unlikely people to pray for her safe return.
And she said, “When there is a storm at sea even a hardened sailor will be forced to get on his knees and pray.”
That’s where I am now…. on my knees on a dirty floor. And it's okay. God is there with me. The view of God changes from sitting on a chair to that of being on my knees on a dirty floor. God knows all about the dirty floor and has been on that dirty floor himself, and knows how to hold me in his love.
This past week I’ve experienced the ‘no man’s land’ between the hospital medical system and Cancer Care…. I'm told that in Cancer Care there is empathy and understanding of the desperation of landing on one’s knees in the dark night of the body.
There’s new hope. I have an appointment.
Thank you for your prayers.
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