Ceramic Sculpture by Cliff Derksen
This week on Thursday night the "big man" of the Winnipeg Jets Dustin Byfuglien literally ran into a bigger man Jamie Oleksiak of the Chicago Black Hawks and something unusual and strange happened, Something we are not used to seeing, and that is Dustin went down like a sack of broken hammers. Normally it's everyone he runs into that goes down in a heap.
This time it was Dustin who was disoriented. What happened was his chin hit the man's helmet and this time he had the rubber legs thing happening. It was of course very disconcerting and concerning to all of us his fans, to see this unusual result, our muscle bound hero so disoriented, needing help to get off the ice is something we've seldom, if ever seen before. When he got to the boards he tried to swing his leg over and it would not cooperate.
This herky-jerky disoriented scene is the result of jolt we've often called a curve ball that in his case disconnected his brain signals from his body. The two could not understand each other! There communication was totally fragmented, hence the jerky rubbery aspect of his movements.
When Wilma picked me up from work (on this anniversary date of Candace's disappearance (Nov. 30th) thirty-four years ago today) and discovered that Candace had not come home from school, the fragmentation began to set in. I became disconnected and experienced this fragmentation in many ways. The first was after I'd run her normal walking route from our home to her school. Once I got to the school and had to turn back I did not want to go looking in any other places. Since I had not found her or any evidence of her on her normal route, where should I now go? I was torn. Do I go different streets or worse, do I go down back alleys? Why would I do that? I could not bear the idea of looking into a dumpster! I did not want to accept the very idea of the unspoken horror... I was dancing around. It would mean I was admitting the very worst of the worst and I could not yet go there.
As I was creating the sculpture of Jonah pictured above I learned that he also experienced fragmentation. He was being asked by his God to speak to the Ninivites about the true God who created all things. But Jonah loved his job as a prophet in Israel. He was successful and loved by his people for his work. This request was out of the box. First, no prophet had ever been sent out as a "missionary" prophet to other countries. They had always been prophets of Israel alone. Why should he be the first? Secondly, these were very vicious enemies of Israel. As far as he was concerned he could not see how he could survive it. He would be hanging from the point of a spear in no time. It was a suicide mission.
What did he do? He ran. No meetings with other prophets about the problem, no message to his family recorded, just running. He got on a ship and went the opposite direction as quickly as he could! Throughout the book there is miscommunication and fragmentation. It was only after being up-chucked by a very large fish that he responded, sort of. Interestingly he had the most amazing and immediate positive results imagined, even when finally he did gave his message albeit grudgingly and briefly! It turned out to have a national affect of repentance and change for the whole city including their rulers. This of course angered jonah even more!
When the uniformed police arrived at our house they used the word "runaway," we used the word "abducted' and the two concepts were never resolved. They refused to search early on because they said she'd come out of hiding from a friends place and appear at school on Monday morning as if nothing had happened! I spoke about searching now as evidence was getting cold. They refused. Another amazing fragmentation were communication was broken. It wasn't until the homicide department took over the case that we began to actually work together, for which we are forever grateful.!
By the time I was doing my something like fourth of fifth search outside our house, my mind was screaming. I remember going under the Nairn overpass and coming out of the shade on the south side and upon entered the glistening moonlit snow I stopped. Looking ahead I could see the jumble of sheds and materials in a brick-yard in front of me. I looked up in anguish asking God "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" Then through tear stained eyes looking at the bright moon shining in a pitch black sky. The beauty of it all clashed with the searing agony of my mind, soul and spirit...I let out long agonizing primal searing scream! I was broken and fragmented, unable to function, falling apart.
What I did not know was that about seven days later her body would be found frozen inside a shed in that brickyard. I've often wondered if she heard me.
If you have in the past or recently had a "curve ball" experience in life this might be just what you are going through...like the crack of that opening que-ball spreading the balls all over the pool table, your mind is going off in all directions.
Take your time, find your friends to tell your story so you can work out finding the words, also write a journal, work on a personal relationship with God who will assist you in the process of forgiveness, anger and your spirituality. This is a time you don't want to be disconnected from your creator God.